comfort in the grand narratives

"but arent u unquestioningly following sth u dont know?"
how many times have i heard myself ask people.
and ive been askin myself this a little bi recently.

i always knew there was security in faith
just as there is in trust.
its probably the falls that make people question,
question things that never failed them before.
because of one setback,
people grow wiser,
or more cynical, put in another way.
i am a field of conflict.
a field of ironies.
ive found myself thanking you
for all the stuff that go my way,
and trusting that the bad stuff,
if any at all,
are signposts that'll point me in the right direction.
i cant describe the release ive felt
after ive surrendered myself to you.
to trusting that you know what you're doing.
this is probably the reason why
i cant come to terms with myself regarding another issue-
cos i dont trust.

the ironies of life.
the choices we make.

updates

wishlist:
- a flat camera with good pixels n big display screen
- a new computer
- a handphone
thats all i wish for right now.
PLEASE LET IT OCME TRUE ASAP.

anw todays bday celebration was funnn.
like i felt so myself.
james' right.
we're just quite different around different pple
but i think im more real with my family.
just cos im totally myself
my temperament and all
no holding back
and everything.
theres no need to feel judged with ur family
theres no need to feel like u cant trust.
this is wad i call a family.
*beams.
sure there'll be times things go all bad
sure there'll be times u feel like u dont belong
but nowheres better than home.
nowheres better than being with pple
you dont have to be scared of.
not sure if pics will be up for todays event,
i had some gross 'ruhua' pics taken!
hahahaa.
but all in all.
i enjoyed myselfffff.
URGH.
i wan a camera before wed.
SOMEONE PRETTY PLEASE BUY IT FOR ME?
or EVERYONE CHIP IN?
*winks.
*sweet smile.
urghhh
find me a rich boyfriend.

nah i was just kidding.
or maybe not.
hmmm.

miss tiny.

when will the lies stop?
when will i stop doubting?
maybe i was never trusting.
maybe i stopped when it happened.

i need some time by myself
yet i cannot stand being alone.

does anyone unds how i feel now?
its a fleeting thing i assure u.
but i just feel that now.
i need my dose of sun, sand n sea.

people.

had beanie over for saturday night,
chao muggers? think again.
sleepyhead jo slept from 11-1am.
ok fine 11-3am.
(i wanted to wake up one ok,
i was thinking "eh how come my 15mins so long"
and before i realised it was 3am le.)
its not my fault beanie scared i hit her right.

and it was heart-to-heart talk from 3am-8am!
again, there were so many things fighting for the attention of me,
the lion queen. *grin
the stuff that i never came to terms with,
the issues i have difficulties coming to terms with,
the pride that i possess.
sometimes, i put it aside.
but i remb me being put down.
after i gave it all up.
alot of incidents that ive forgotten,
but one thats still bothering me.

really,
gale's words never left me:
"trust noone until they earn it."
but i give it til pple fail me.
then i forget abt it n give again.
im not a giving person,
im just a forgetful person.
maybe gale's right.
i should learn to not trust.
i dont have to doubt,
i just have to listen n forget.
maybe it wont prove so difficult a thing
for this goldfish here to accomplish.

"an eye for an eye makes the world go blind"
this line ive never forgotten from my play.
really, this is something i believe in.
id start feeling guilty when i take a hit back.
yet recently,
ive been very displeased with this person
and im almost feeding her the rotten banana she fed me.
it bothered me.
but yesterday it struck me.
a talk with reilly and ravin.
"dispense positive energy and receive positive energy."
maybe physics' right.
energy is never lost.
it just changes forms.
the world will have more happiness to go around
if you stop sulking all day.

so start smiling now =)

quotes of my life

was having a good catch-up talk with r today,
and gawd i really think im such a bitch.
the evil thoughts i think
and the nonsense i put myself thru.
"you only suffer what u allow yourself to."

all the quotes in my life..
especially those from gale.
i really do remb them,
but how much do i try to stick to them?
i really need a dressing down.

and even though ive been forgetting
i really do love my life
and all the people in it.
you make me me.

bad impressions

i think i really should tattoo on myself somewhere
to stop telling people who i dislike
or wad i dislike abt anybody at all
except to nana.
cos i'll forget all abt wad i dislike
n seem like a hypocrite to talk to them.
poor na.

a ray of recognition

talked to ray abt how i screwed up my r/s.
or rather, how we fucked up.
(honestly, i think minors should stop reading the bad language)
but it's amazing i found someone who went thru the same shit,
and is still going thru the same stuff.
the resemblance is uncanny.
the things we'll feel n say,
the things they'll feel n say.
i don't want to hit number ten.

sometimes,
it's really beyond my control.

yes im procrastinating

let me cut n paste the first paragraph of the body of the paper that's due at 5pm today.

The way in which The Spirits Play is presented puts the idea of the existence of one single interpretation into question. Firstly, the title of the play The Spirits Play can be read in more than one way. 'Play' can be read as either a noun or a verb and the choice changes the meaning of the title and subsequently how the play can be read. By reading the title as a performance play based on spirits, i.e. reading the word 'play' as a noun, we can interpret the focus of the text to be on spirits. On the other hand, should the title be read as a game of the spirits, i.e. reading the word 'play' as a verb, the focus will still be on spirits. Thus the point of illustrating this ambiguity in the title is purely for entertainment. I am attempting to be postmodern in my approach to this question by not having a point to my examples.

from 88 - 105. *beams*

when u see a sudden influx of posts,
you'll know im procrastinating.

shiyun :: ah pomo pomo. 105 words of a 4000word paper. :: says:
ah

shiyun :: ah pomo pomo. 105 words of a 4000word paper. :: says:
hahaha im procrastinating

Meowf says:
AS USUAL

Meowf says:
u need someone to intercept your assignment specs for u

Meowf says:
& modify the due date a week earlire

Meowf says:
then u MITE be able to submit more on time

shiyun :: ah pomo pomo. 105 words of a 4000word paper. :: says:
heh yea

shiyun :: ah pomo pomo. 105 words of a 4000word paper. :: says:
but todays one must hand in

Meowf says:
har

Meowf says:
this is due TODAE?!

to each his own

the ridiculous thing of the day



shiyun :: ah pomo pomo. 88 words of a 4000word paper. :: says:
uh. it's 'sighs', not 'signs'.

am i really looking forward to my birthday? signs.. says:
huh oh nvm..thanks..i prefer it that way..thanks anyway

tide is high

Never give up,
Never give up.

The tide is high but I'm holdin' on,
I'm gonna be your number one,
I'm not the kind of girl who gives up just like that,
Oh no.

It's not the things you do that tease and hurt me bad,
But it's the way you do the things you do to me,
I'm not the kind of girl who gives up just like that,
Oh no.

The tide is high but I'm holdin' on,
I'm gonna be your number one,
The tide is high but I'm holdin' on,
I'm gonna be your number one,
Number one (my number one...)
Number one (number one...)

Every girl wants you to be her man,
But I'll wait right here, till it's my turn,
I'm not the kind of girl who gives up just like that,
Oh no.

The tide is high but I'm holdin' on,
I'm gonna be your number one,
The tide is high but I'm holdin' on,
I'm gonna be your number one,
Number one (my number one...)
Number one (gotta hold on...)

Everytime that I get the feelin,
You give me something to believe in,
Everytime that I got you near me,
I know the way I want it to be,
But you know that I'm gonna take my chance now,
I'm gonna make it happen somehow,
And you know I can take the pressure,
A moment's pain for a lifetime's pleasure.

Every girl wants you to be her man,
But I'll wait right here, till it's my turn,
I'm not the kind of girl who gives up just like that,
Oh no (not gonna let you go).

The tide is high but I'm holdin' on,
I'm gonna be your number one,
The tide is high but I'm holdin' on,
I'm gonna be your number one.

Everytime that I get the feelin,
You give me something to believe in,
Everytime that I got you near me,
I know the way I want it to be,
But you know that I'm gonna take my chance now,
I'm gonna make it happen somehow,
And you know I can take the pressure,
A moment's pain for a lifetime's pleasure.

a BLOD post to think about

over a chat with beanie
something struck me as..
i dont know how to put it.
sad, maybe?


[beanie] I need my dose of season 2 says:
its just sometimes u just feel u can trust the person la

shiyun :: oooh now i have the rower seh. :: says:
yea

[beanie] I need my dose of season 2 says:
yah loh

shiyun :: oooh now i have the rower seh. :: says:
but sometimes the feelin can be wrong lah

shiyun :: oooh now i have the rower seh. :: says:
damn scary

[beanie] I need my dose of season 2 says:
yeah.. so. heng suay la

what my gofs both did

Your Power Color Is Gold

At Your Highest: You are engrossed in passions that mentally stimulate you. At Your Lowest: You seek thrills and neglect what's important in your life. In Love: You see dating as adventure and approach it with an open attitude. How You're Attractive: You passion for life makes others passionate about you. Your Eternal Question: "Am I Having Fun?"

What's Your Power Color?

with lotsa love

this post is dedicated to NA.
*schmuacks*
the selfless gof that i have!!
super nice..beyond words.
but she's mineee.
and yz's. heh.

imagine someone lugging her laptop n lan cable n stuff
all the way from pgp to ke7 (up those monstrous stairs)
plug in the cables for me, set up nicely, connect properly.
after the whole thing,
collects it back from ke7.
like where to find?!
brings surprise noodles over,
buys me stickers.
honestly.
*schmuacks*
one big love of my life.
thanks for everythingggggggg.

these are only like..1% of what she does.

even feng thinks so.
im so pampereddd.

dont mind the complexion

dont mind the complexion,
originally uploaded by hazzle.

the double eyelid that stuck for three days because of a mosquito bite.

monday night was a whirlwind of ___
i honestly don't know what to fill in.
feng n i wanted to sleep for like..
fifteen minutes,
but the next thing i knew,
i slept for an hour,
waking up to darling dumberly's calling for breakfast.
the report was handed up,
the presentation was finished.
but i've got another assignment due on friday.
honestly,
why is my life, or any other's life in fact,
filled with deadlines?
life is one big deadline in itself..
how much can i accomplish before my time is up?
what can i learn?
but in the end..
i don't think i'll be bringing anything with me.
so what's the point again?

anyway i slept right after bathing last night.
bathed right after dinner.
which means,
i slept right after dinner.
and woke up at 3.24am in the morning,
cos the lamp was too bright.
and i fell back to sleep after much tossing in bed.
breakfast this morning was ok.
actually i wonder what effect that starting my day
seeing that stingy hypocritical auntie has on me daily.
and almost ending my day seeing her.
URGH.

im damn sleepy still,
and the inertia is humongous.
oh, i lost my wallet yesterday.
don't ask me how,
i honestly don't know.

this must be the third post for today.
first of all,
thanks for waking up for breakfast with me =).
secondly,
i finally found my brother who found 'the mosquito bite
which is causing me to have a double eyelid' funny.
thirdly,
im having a flu n a sorethroat
(tell me it's the not due to
the excessive screaming and jumping on that sofa
in the small cigarette-smokey room with na n yz.)

finally,
i know it's all about choices,
but sometimes it's just a choice between what you want
and what you don't want,
and then it's difficult.
we have very different circumstances,
and circumstances shape our choices, babe.

i feel pathetic that im like that, i do.

that first step was intimidating..
they looked bored.
they looked tired.
who are we to decide that they want this?
by treating them with extra smiles,
we're treating them differently.
who says you should be fairer to the unfaired?
you're just making it worse.

reading someone's posts always makes me think more.
i think isaac's right-
we're all selfish.
and evil subconsciously just to make ourselves happy.
this is a warped up world.

i can't forget that look.

it was just part of my duty,
it was just why i was there.
yet when i passed that to you,
you looked surprised.
you had me repeat my offer in another manner,
and finally understood.

i can't remember the last time i saw real happiness in anyone,
but i saw it in you today.
you couldn't believe it was for you,
you turned to your aide for reassurance,
and thanked me like i was never thanked before.
i could understand you,
but i couldn't make you understand me.
the barrier was there,
but that simple gesture brought me to you that moment.

thanks for turning to her and commending that it's pretty.
"jin sui hor?"
"gam siah"
i didn't even know how to reply you.

of sleepovers and beloved gofs.

forty-eight hours away from any computer
(except for the purpose of watching videos)
and minimal contact thru' handphone,
i spent a very lovely two days.
few things make me happier than
spending time with my two gofs and watching video,
cooking gourmet food *wink*
and making professional sushi *double wink*.

so thru' the two nights i developed a fear
of the possibility of me beginning to sleepwalk.
first was the "pah pah pah" act in my dreams sems ago,
then on wednesday the "hey"
and yesterday night "are you?"
i talk too much in my sleep it's scary.
im lucky it's either unintelligible or unintelligible.

a friend told me some stuff that immediately reminded me of myself.
me as not the victim but the other one.
over-expectations of friends and unreasonability become so obvious
when they're on someone else.
why didnt i see it?
well, at least it's over now =).
i just feel horrible if i should have made any unreasonable demands
on absolutely anyone before.

---

xw: heyyy yeap i changed my blogskin and there's not much to navigate thru!

i could do anything behind the mask.

my 21st year is full of firsts.
celebrated my first halloween - something i always wanted to do.
(thanks to darling dumberly!)
even though it's not my ideal way of spending my halloween,
but it was fun seeing all the dressed-ups and all.

so under georene's encouragement,
i scared a pretty many people.
two of whom i did cos i thought they were cuteee.
noone knew who i was behind that mask,
unless i chose to take it off.

a few of the swappies dressed up n went,
with the leftover makeup and props from Murder Mystery.
the following people were sorely missed:
gaozi and vermie.

hope everyone had a happy halloween :)