teddy bear

i don't know what love does to people, but it seems to me that whatever good it does is far inferior to the damage it does when it's taken away.

like filling a person with dettol and then rinsing him out. all clean and clinical and devoid of emotion. eew.

well, at the end of the day, i have my teddy bear.

"i dont draw bricks, i draw shadows."

I'm warning you now, this post is gonna be totally random.

The Korean Contemporary Art Show at the SAM was rather thought-provoking.

There was this piece Bricks that kind of blew me away. What gets left behind says alot. And there's this Neverwhere bit to it for me. The people who fall through the gaps of Life. Not to forget the thousands of people holding up that piece of floorboard. And Soldiers. Funky Music, Infinity, etc etc.

Any-o. I got this bit of surprise when I mentioned that it'd be poignant if we should be allowed to step on that bit of glass. Real freaky. Flipping through the booklet after the exhibition revealed that it was, in fact, designed to be stepped on. woah. I knew I had a connection with installation art.

Maybe the whole exhibition thing did something for me. It was like stepping into a place full of mirrors, the images in each frame calling for me, speaking from somewhere inside me. And now I've got so many voices inside my head, and trapped. Well, maybe I'd rather they stay, but there's this whole ripple effect.

The 25 year old conversations started. The quarter-life discussions. Reflection on my rebellious stage, which freaked JT out a little. Dating someone who'd been locked up, moving out at 18, staying with a bunch of ex-inmates who were pretty nice but had nothing in common with me. I was trying too hard to prove something. Trying too hard. Even last year, even now. But I guess as we grow older, we kinda grow out of certain habits. For me, I stop trying to win every fight. I no longer desire so much to get the last word. Some people don't matter, and some things don't. I realise I may not necessarily be heard even if I say all I feel. Sometimes, there's just no point.

"i'm growing up too fast too soon" sounds real familiar. Do roses die the moment they get cut or do they die when they wilt and dry up?

being too idealistic.

so, i used to have this dream about being able to walk down the streets and knowing everyone's name. i grew up, and realised that even if i want to know everyone, not everyone is interested in knowing me. which, surprisingly, is fine by me.

of course, it is rather disappointing to think that my ideals as a child is probably not going to work out, since i don't make any effort at all. but it is pretty disturbing when i can't talk like a human to someone i see for about four hours each day for five days a week. i had this idea about talking it out. rounded up some effort and asked the said person out for supper (for the second time) to the same place, and of course the day was set. yet once again, the said person beautifully and conveniently forgot about it again.

like the young one said, "i think you're being too idealistic." you know what? i think so too.