cause & effect

energy is only transferable, as we've all learnt in secondary physics.
what you put out will come back to you, whether or not it is in the same form.

romantic love is a really strange intangible thing. it can transform someone, it can overwhelm someone, and it can become so magnified an emotion that many people see it as their life.

ive been in and out of relationships almost as many times as ive said i'll turn straight. but time and time again i fall for the game, letting my soul soak up the wondrous emotion that allows me to forget all the heartaches and heartbreaks that made me swear to open my eyes before giving my heart.

and i keep telling myself that hey, it's just that i haven't met the right one.

so the right one came along...and life is a bed of roses. love became this armour and this aura that transformed all the negative energy near me positive. i was beaming so bright the sun rays felt ashamed.

energy cannot be destroyed.

i've never identified with this saying better - that you cannot force someone to love you, you can only make yourself worth loving.

"this feeling will last forever"

my dear friend, dinah.

i started talking to dinah again.

i dont know why, but everytime i speak to her, she's unhappy. and i really feel for her, like noone else would.

she got married two years ago, committing her life to this guy whom her family quarrelled with. maybe she was young, maybe she was hopeful. she thought she could influence him, like how i used to believe love is so great. but hey, look. it's not like that. you dont step into a r/s wanting the other party will change. even if i am the one who's in need of a change and i acknowledge that need, you're not in love with me. you're in love with who i can be, but may never be. i didn't tell her this, but dinah, you have so much you want him to change..yet you say you love him and he's still the guy you want. wad is it exactly you see in him? i really don't understand. and now, two years later, you realise youve been naive and you're tired. and you want a divorce. is it too late?

if i had posted this about another friend two years ago and you had read it, will you reconsider your decision to marry him?

she has fallen in love some half a year ago with someone. head over heels. and cliche as it may sound, their love was like a fairtytale. until yesterday when i spoke to her again, we both realised that it still is. except her love's the prince charming and she, the wicked witch. it's not mutual, the love. she was disillusioned that her love found their relationship a nightmare. but being the hopeful that he is, he wants to turn the nightmare into a sweet dream.

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so i went for a haircut yesterday...and it took five hours. lerrick text me and our conversation went:

lr: let's come out.
me: yea, let's! i need a life! my life's just work and partner and it has settled so comfortably that when i have to wait cos she's busy, i just wait.
lr: don't complain.. im sure she waits sometimes too!
me: im not grumbling..which is what's scary. i dont want to feel like an old satisfied woman w/o friends at 23!

well i thought life was sweet.