trying to make life easier

this logs the happy and painful process of learning about myself

29.11.04

another





You Are a Life Blogger!



Your blog is the story of your life - a living diary.
If it happens, you blog it. And make it as entertaining as possible.



28.11.04

some test

Contradiction
F:

Your Beauty lies
in Contradiction. Controversial, unpredictable, and
never what anyone expects.
You appearance and your personality are two
opposite things. Even your
appearance sends different signals to different
people. To some you may look
innocent and sweet, to others you look mysterious
and intimidating at the same
time. No one ever knows what to expect with you.
You are a little bit of
everything all mixed together. You can be watching
the football game with the
guys one minute and the next out shopping at the
mall. You seem to be almost a
different person every time you meet someone, but
at the same time you know
exactly who you are and there is always that one
thing that makes you you. You
enjoy keeping people guessing and people love how
completely unpredictable you
are.



Some Things
That Represent You:



Element:
Fire, Water Animal: Chameleon Color:
Dark Tones, Light
Tones Song: Everything by Alanis Morriesette
Expression:
Half-smile



Gemstone:
Opal Mythological Creature: Gryphon,
Half-breeds Planet: Mars Hair
Color:
Red Eye Color:
Brown



Quote:
"Appearances can be deceiving."




Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::..
brought to you by Quizilla


my blog's dead.
not sure how long more it'll live for.
cos im dying too.
diagnosed with stomach cancer.

ok thats so not true.
i keep a diary, yeah?
so ive been writin alot inside.
n thus the dwindling no. of posts.

bad day
with tonnes of stuff.
and bad macaroni.
ok its not that bad.
just not the way i planned it for e day.


24.11.04

clarification

ok..refer to prev post.
so eu n i were talkin abt a haircut:
i was askin her how abt this weekend
and she meant most probably can make it
den i asked her how much is hair dying
and she said 80 bucks!
it doesnt sound funny suddenly..

anw.. this is where common sense comes in.
we link the word 'dying' with the context
so there u go.
a linguistic explanation
for the absence of misunderstanding
even with the ambiguity!


23.11.04

the funniest conversation

the funniest conversation in years.

me: weekend leh?
eu: yup! weekend can i guess!
me: how much is dying?
eu: dying is about 80 bucks.

hahahhaaa.
can go ahead and laugh!!
hahahahaa.
eu n i cant stop laughing..
haha. :)


crampin' streak

shiyun's on her winning crampin' streak.
cramp n cramp n cramp.
like it's free.
i mean, of cos it is.
at my expense.
some creatures can just be so selfish.

and no no.
i'm bloody allergic to so many painkillers.
and my beloved heat pad decided to die.
ha ha.
wad a joke.
and i have a bloody paper later.
and no, my time on the blog's correct.
i'm up so late.
kill me.
shoot me.

i better give birth to more babies.
else i'll be crampin' for nothing.
my whole life of cramps.
and no babies.
it would be quite sad.
remember to console me
if i dun get babies.

it's this kinda time
when i miss that hand on my tummy
that warms it up
and puts me to sleep.

it's this kinda time
when i miss that voice in my ear
that calms me down
and puts me to sleep.

and then i realise
that im really all alone
with no source of affection
noone to pacify me
noone to whom i grumble
and not feel apologetic afterwards.

and then i question myself
if i really wan someone
for my own selfish needs.
and yes
i think so.
i miss cuddlin' up on the sofa
to watch all the movies on the tv.

dont we all?


22.11.04

so its said my blog is dead

so it's said that my blog is dead.
well, i think so too. haha

reading my past posts make me laugh
the way im typing the stuff im saying.
anyway this post's not gonna be difft.
hahaa so wad the heck did i say that for?
no purpose i guess.
an act of self-awareness. hahaa
ok that's bullshit.

wad have i been doing with my time?
have been conscientiously studying, of cos.
ok that's bullshit again.
but i tried!!
that's not bullshit.
well, not totally. =]

met up with af n princeboy over the weekend
and we hit golden cafe
(and it's damn sad cos my fave dish from there
ie xo chicken rice) is no longer on the menu.
so fine, i shall survive w/o that.
been craving for dim sum for some time already.
someone please be kind n bring to me dim summm

caught 6 weeks on tv yest.
blatantly portraying the life of channel I, i see.
shall make an effort to remember
to continue catching the next 5 episodes.

i dun even know wad movies are on anymore!
i think i should apply for a GV member card
(if there is one)
and catch as many movies as i possibly can.
but first step:
get more students earn more money!

talkin abt earning money,
i really should.
cos i wanna become more vainnnnn
like. u know
start taking care of my skin
and make an effort at lookin in the mirror
at what i wear before i step out the door.
ok let's see how long this resolution will stay.
hahaha i cant seem to take effort in such stuff.
anyhow,
ask me, why the sudden resolution?
hit orchard tower with ash n af
and saw tonnes of babes.
gorgeous figures pretty make-up n all.
and they're not even girls.
wad the hell am i doing, typing away in school,
in my worn-out quiksilver pullover,
and the waterproof nike shorts!
*shakes head*
but i like it.
hahaha we shall see.
someone revamp my wardrobe for me!!
christmas's coming!


16.11.04

monday

monday.

met up with everything
to study!
very condusive envt i must say.

went off to farah's for the feast.
yes, the hari raya feast! yum.
played indian poker
and breezed thru my forfeit.
i really shouldnt play indian poker
cos i always play cheat.
oops.
anyway hung around til 7plus
n headed for home.

watched jie play mahjong
with the taiwan artists.
wu zhong xian said this,
"da kuai yi dian,
kuai yi dian da,
kuai yi dian le ni hai bu da?"
i stared at the screen.
hahah damn funnny.
i never heard him say that line all those times
that i played with him!

played beatmania with bro..
it's been so long.
nice times.
den played some mahjong game.
den here.

it's back again.
i need medication n determination.


reflections

reflections

it seems super easy
for pple to misunderstand my intentions.
sometimes i really just mean to care
and i dun mean anything else.

if u wanna take it as something else,
go ahead.
i dun wish to care.
it's ridiculous
for me to be concerned,
and u misinterpretating my goodwill.

anyway dun bother me too much.
yes i mean dun bother me,
not 'dun bother abt me'.
if i flare up at u
that's ur prob. cos i already warned u.
ok fine i didnt really mean that.
just. stay away.
not in the mood for anything.
and dun ask.
it's just pms.


14.11.04

GodeatGod

GodeatGod

watched the matinee at marine parade cc
guessed the company by the venue already eh?
yeap.
another community play by TNS

before the play started,
the words on the screen
(freak i forgot the name)
scrolled past.
issues of the world.
world vs country vs family vs individual.
n the music.

anyhow, haresh sharma addressed the audience.
characters from different countries,
with different problems.
critic of the singapore society,
as i see it.
there's this particular line from the play
"u know my metaphor for singapore?
line dancing.
people pay more attention to keeping in line
than to the dance."

there was this discussion thing
between the characters,
yes, not the actors.
at least i dun think so.
anyhow, it was on freedom.
that part seemed like a satire to me-
portrayin that silly sg'an chtr.
like us.
indulged in our own freedom,
stability,
that we lose the critical mind.

use of mike to frame the character,
to give the actor status.
another screen above the scrolling marquee thing,
and it only captures the japanese woman's face.
her problems within that frame within that frame.

let's all think abt the issues.
let us bring back something to think abt,
haresh says.


13.11.04

happy times.

::today::
muggin' at sentosa on fri! =]
had loadsa fun
and studied quite a bit.
BLEUXY look good together!!

and and.
bought a nice pair of boardshorts
a nice skirt
and a nice pair of slippers. heh
so happy.
it was a super fun day..
euxy came over n played with lola abit
while i prepared to go out
den we went on a short trip around
and had macs drive-thru breakfast!
so fun rite? haha
den we saw this foreign worker
look at bleuxy.
then thennnn
we took a pic of him!! hahaaa
oh oh we took loadsa pics.
like of mercs cab,
traffic light, etc etc.
caught crabs,
took walks along beaches,
talked with salesgirls of billabong,
ate at sakae,
had a nice dinner.

::today::
met char n kim in town
to mug!!
ate mudpie. *sinful*
ate some macaroni thing too.
then went shoppin'!
haha. crazyy day.
ass n weilan didnt come in the end.
so no card playing!
shoppin with the 2 of 'em quite fun =]

anyhow
had two pretty good days out.
but where r my stars?
=\


11.11.04

it's pathetic.
anyway here's my all-time favourite:

Crash and Burn - Savage Garden

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door
And you feel like you can't take anymore

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

Because there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breathe again

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone


been chewing on longans alot.
cos ive been buying them
to cook the aloe vera thing.

chewin on longans reminds me
of all the stupid things ive done,
and al the sweet things too.

::just the mildest of e sweet things::
1. woke up n made a lil card for kav
while that pig was still in bed
2. watched the sunrise at changi
3. patted kav to sleep
4. took care of sven thru the night
5. botherin to dress up. think 2001

so many that i cant put down.
anyhow that was just the prelude to this:

::the treatment i get::
1. someone cheated on me
2. someone was confused over the ex
3. all took me for granted
4. i got spread lousy rumours
5. i got nothing.

so much more.
i think i'm just disillusioned.
for a few seconds.
i dun trust that i'll really have
a prince charming for me out there.
but im still lookin fwd, anywhow.

eu said
that her mum said
that this book said
"if u dun get something,
it's cos u dun want it bad enough."


i wrote this down on paper,
to remind myself to blog on it,
but i didn't.
don't worry, it's quite outdated.
in terms of shiyun time


the motivation to do
what you want me never to do,
comes from you.
yes, ironically.

"i bet you'll do this
when u have the that to.
you're that kind - i can see."


ah. i'm sick of censoring.
it's a whole long chunk.
and yes i am sick of censoring,
but i still do.
cos im responsible enough
to know what shouldnt go online.

another chunk:

if you want respect, earn it.
c'mon. you can do it.

dont say you're playing games.
reverse psychology does not,
and i repeat, does not,
work on me.

the more you dont want me to
hang out with my lesbian friends,
the more i would.
the very prospect of meeting a guy like u
turns me homosexual.


dont bother to comment,
it's something that happened before,
n i now feel nothing abt it.

anyhow,
i have this habit of writing down stuff
to throw them away.
this aids me in forgetting.
but ive been keepin a diary recently
and thus the lack of stuff on my blog.

some stuff are better left unsaid.
and if u ever wonder why
i can have so many crushes,
it's cos the real one's inside my mind.
i dun put it on my mouth.


just blog

::communication theory::

it says something like
u choose to read what reinforces ur opinions
n rejects what creates dissonance.
i shall blog again on it when im reading up
fits rather fine into my essays i see.

been reading up quite a bit during term
for my essays.
im impressed at the bibliographies i have.
at least three readings for each essay.
maybe that doesnt impress u,
but it sure wows me.
i'm taking a step into my fulfilling life!

anyhow
back to why i even started talkin abt
communication theory
heard Last Flight Out on class95
some song that reminds me of ben.
started thinkin abt when i started learnin canto.
one of the first few phrases i learnt,
was this: "having me as your sister,
makes u the luckiest person in the world."
and who did i tell this to? ben.
n some songs just kept floodin into my head
out of nowhere.
and i think abt stuff.
but it's not bothering bothering me really.

so please.
and i repeat, please.
dun gimme any pep talk.
its not influencing me,
and im writing these down
not because i wan u to react.
(then why blog abt it in the first place?)
i can go on n on abt the arguments
as to why ppl blog
and their intentions.
but anyhow, i see blogging as a means
to communicate n to fill in frens
on how ive been living my life.
so yes. no pep talks.
dun tell me stuff like it's over
n i shouldnt think, etc etc.
these are stuffs i know myself.
and u know i know, so dun bother.


drama mama!

well, what did u expect?

Drama
You are Drama.
You are extroverted and like to show off, but can
be very subtle and intelligent when you want.
As an expert at story-telling, you love
attention and have developed the skill of
keeping it.
You get along well with Literature and Film.


What form of art are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


9.11.04

ming zhong zhu ding

ooh finally found this!
nono finally bothered to go n find..

命中註定
作詞:許常德 作曲:Loso

OS:那天後,沒有再見過妳,但每次遇見這樣的大雨
,我就會想起妳,笑著說:「嘿!很高興認識你。」

忽然大雨 我們有緣相遇 妳也在這裡 被雨淋溼
小小的屋簷 就這樣變成妳 我的傘
萍水相逢 我們還很陌生 妳說人和人 有一種緣份
很像晚風 輕輕吹拂街上人們面容 那麼輕鬆
妳讓我相信 有命中註定 妳問我雨後 可有彩虹?
這樣的大雨 這樣的相遇 妳很純真 我被打動
人的心中 都有個孩子 特別容易 和純真接近
奇怪的是 地球幾億幾千萬個人 我特別想妳

妳讓我相信 有命中註定 妳問我雨後 可有彩虹?
人的一生中 際遇常常有 並非每段 都有感動
人的心中 都有個孩子 特別容易 和純真接近
奇怪的是 地球幾億幾千萬個人 我特別想妳


Insensitive - Jann Arden

got this song from ass -

Insensitive
(Jann Arden)

How do you cool your lips after a summer's kiss?
How do you rid the sweat after the body bliss?
How do you turn your eyes from the romantic glare?
How do you block the sound of a voice you'd know anywhere?

Oh I really should have known by the time you drove me home,
By the vagueness in your eyes, your casual good-byes.
By the chill in your embrace and the expression on your face,
That told me you might have some advice to give ...
On how to be...
Insensitive.

How do you numb your skin after the warmest touch?
How do you slow your blood after the body rush?
How do you free your soul after you've found a friend?
How do you teach your heart it's a crime to fall in love again?

Oh you probably won't remember me, it's probably ancient history,
I'm one of the chosen few who went ahead and fell for you.
I'm out of vogue, I'm out of touch, I fell too fast, I feel too much.
I thought that you might have some advice to give ...
On how to be ...
Insensitive.


8.11.04

shucks.
i always forget wad i wanna say
once i log into blogger.
bummer.

anyways
im done with all the term papers!
and got back my en lit essay!
quite pleased with the grade!
half a grade's improvement.
hope the one i handed in will be ok too.

term papers n the slacker mood
screwed up my timetable abit.
but well i shall hit back onto e road
the road of diligence heh heh. =]

bring it up bring it up..
put in more effort!


7.11.04

i dun even know where u freaking are.
except that u're up here in my mind.
i let u go.
i pushed u away.
but now i want u back.
where are u?!
it's been such a long time.
will i never see u again?
this is bloody singapore.
and yet i never do see u around.
where r u!!
where r u??
where r u..
i really want u back.


6.11.04

my weekend!

my weekend!

friday was spent rushing term paper.
thennnn
kim n char the hippies came look for me
at the lib. so sweet.
ok maybe they didnt mean to be sweet.
anyway
so kim came over to play with lola
and then we went to chill out at mm
and took 61 to holland v!
we so smart rite?
anywhere also know how to take bus. =]

well we were stuck at the bus stop
but we had tonness of fun!
at least i had.
took lotsa funny fotos
and stupid things.
den we got really high on air.
ahhaha or maybe it was just kim.
n we played cards at breko.
havent laughed so hard in a few days.
at least. =]
so happyyyyy
i wanna stay like that forever.

well. if only i could.
reached home around 5plus
when bro n sis in law woke up
n prepared to go off
for their little couple trip.
i slept til 12plus
and did some stuff..
watched my meteor garden
and went out to meet
my two grow old frens *hugs*
love slackin my day away with them.
met up with eu for awhile
talked alottttt
and took a few pics on my new camera! =]
gave eu a camera too.
dunno if she's thrown it away though.

went back to my oldies.
(*muack muack*)
sat at lips.
brought back tonnes of memories.
it's always iced tea with peach.
benson, i miss u. where are you?


5.11.04

noone recognised me

noone recognised me!

decided to tie up my hair today
so i did.
pins were necessary of cos

so i wore my denim skirt
and the red top
n the denim jacket
went off to sch.

saw vivian at the mrt station
she looked twice in my direction
n didnt recognise me!
then when i finally called her
she stared at me with disbelief.
"i never see u so neat before leh"

then i went to meet yz at the bus stop
she swept her eyes twice across me
and wonderin where i was. grr.
when she finally saw me
she stared with disbelief again.
"i was lookin out for tshirt n shorts"

ahh..
then wan fen n giang n even zs!
wassup todayyyy
really very weird huh?
=
and my ppg earrings broke.
please help me look out for ppg earrings k
i wan either bubbles or buttercup one.


issues

1. term papers
2. beach
3. mcps
4. blocking off msn list.

issues that'll slip my mind a few seconds later.
elaborate when free n in the mood.


2.11.04

the time again

the time again

the feeling's back.
dun feel like doing anything
just cant smile.
dunno wad the shit im feelin
but i know its something.
that elephant makin my heart
it's armchair again.