there's a success story in every child

saturday was spent at CARE before mugging.
orientation by yz was quite impressive
and personally, alot of messages struck me.

no matter big or small,
everyone has their little joys and pride.
be it a small conscious considerate gesture
or a large academic improvement,
everyone has something to be proud of.
"compliment their little do-goods"--
it means alot.

how many times have we overlooked
things that people go out of their way to do for us,
and picked up on all the bad instead?
it's easy enough to take for granted wad pleases you,
but why can't we neglect the little errors?

hey again all

(edited for clarity)

oh no im so sorry i disappeared.
thanks for those who realised and smsed me..
i have friends who don't even acknowledge my presence
when i'm standing right in front of them.

and audreyyy.
sorry! haha i've got no internet access remember?
so yea. been spending time with myself.

seems like feng 80% boyish.
wahhhhh is the only thing i can say. hahaha

im all incoherent n all.

just wanna thank a few people who made me smile from the heart-
nana for the strong sense that she'll always be there,
and all the little stuff (stickersss!! =])
my darling dumberly for being there all the time,
offering comfort in the times i need it most!
doing all the de-stress activities with me!
cathavoc for providing that listening ear always and saying the nicest things!
jiahui for waiting in the toilet and waking me up for breakfast
- not for disrupting my mahjong session though haha.

thanks babes.

blogthings

Your Ideal Relationship is Casual Dating

Maybe you're looking for love... But mostly you're looking for fun. You could get serious with the right person. For now, though, you're enjoying playing the field.

What's Your Ideal Relationship?

now yes.. refer to keys to my heart below for ideal.

You Are 40% Boyish and 60% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

eunuchhh. right.

What Your Underwear Says About You

It's important that your underwear doesn't offend anyone - in case you get in a car accident. You're comfortable in your own skin - and don't care to impress anyone.

The Underwear Oracle

haha yes yes.
i'd like to think so!

You Are 70% Weird

You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right? But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!

How Weird Are You?

i AM normal lah, wad nonsense.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

so true.

Your Hair Should Be Pink

Hyper, insane, and a boatload of fun. You're a traveling party that everyone loves to follow.

What's Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

i had pink extensions once!

you are truly amazing.
made me fight a battle i never wanted to fight, twice.
and both times, i lost.

i have no wish to fight a third time,
let alone lose.

i've finally finally found someone
whom i can trust my secrets with.
right after i realised that
really, noone is worth trusting.

to hell with promises.
i don't keep mine,
so why keep yours?

it's really amusing why we keep telling ourselves
"hey, u've seen all the trash,
but it doesnt mean everything's trash!"
but really, why?
we see friends treating their friends like trash.
yes their friends, not enemies.
we've sometimes felt like we're being treated like trash.
we probably won't admit we treat friends like trash,
but we are most likely guilty of it before.
so why pretend the worst is not gonna happen to u?
the optimism in me human beings
is really...
too far-fetched.

ive thrown up and removed the post.

what the faculty of science expects from you.

yirang's right beside me now
she grumbled to the lecturer abt not understanding his course.
the lecturer said,
"don't worry, we have mid-term essays designed to help arts students to score."

and she showed me this:

In this essay, you are expected to make an approximation for the probability that some time in your lifetime you will inhale one of the oxygen molecules that Julius Caesar exhaled with his dying breath.








at the bottom of the assignment list:

"Please make your essays fun - remember I will have some 200,000 words to read come November."

read this off zhen and got it off gaozi.
don't think all applies though.
coloring those that i think do.


You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

that makes it.. two.

kissin..

You're a Playful Kisser

Kissing is a huge game for you, a way to flirt and play You're the first one to suggest playing spin the bottle at a party Or you'll go for the wild kiss during a game of truth or dare And you're up for kissing any sexy stranger if the mood is right!

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

my saturday

started off with breakfast..
i love breakfast.

went to src watch nicolas play soccer for abit
then watch kim n char play captain's ball for abit.
talked abit to this teammate of theirs,
reminds me of yirang!
her behaviour ah, pattern ah, ...
so yirang.

anyway so i came to lib late
despite my resolution to come early early.
left molly with the capt-ballers.
hope kim remembers to bring molly back.
*prays*
else i gotta get another one.
molly's my reminder to stay healthy.

thanks other for cheering me up.
im a sucker for attention.
wearin my red accessory-specs today.
shot abit with the over-pumped vball.
realised that not every skill works in different circumstances.

i don't know if it's a matter of getting used to,
or i gotta learn a new skill.

im a frienemy.

i think it's an unreasonable request
to expect someone, anyone, to know how u'd feel
or how u really feel.
even if that someone has known the most part of u.
i think this realisation is wad
makes me who i am recently -
if u see the change in me.

went shopping with fir today..
therapeutic.

fir's himbo moment-
atm machine : machine cannot dispense $55.00. would you like to withdraw $50.00?
fir : (troubled) how ah?
me : -_-

been less of a friend to everyone,
finally feel like how it is to be on the other side.
so this is how it feels.

i feel like throwing up.

reminder

Hi ladies,
KPG, short for Kampong Glam,
is starting Regatta Trainings from

16 October 2005
and every Sunday 1600-1800hrs
Kallang Basin

this is highly dependent on attendance,
so ladies, do confirm both
interest and commitment
for the training sessions asap.

do bring along interested girl friends!

leave a tag on my board on the right -->
or sms me if u have my number.
otherwise,
you can drop me a mail at
ohasswhy@hotmail.com

the library toilet's my best friend now.

so tired i can burst into tears anytime.
so tired i don't mind sleeping forever.

she said she'd be there for her.
so she confided in her.
but suddenly, for no reason,
the trusted made her problem the trustee's.
and left her to her own resources.
i wince at that story
that my friend told me.

there's so much on my mind
that noone can relate to.
that noone understands
and noone, other than myself, can ever understand.
not that i dont want to share it
i don't know where to start.

my friend had a problem.
her friend developed another problem,
and she made it my friend's problem.

talking has become a routine.
im talkin for talkin's sake.
nothing's going right
and everything's going wrong.
smiling has become insignificant.
im smilin for the moment.
nothing's going right
and everything's going wrong.

im tired.
so tired i don't bother saying alot of things anymore.
it's tiring how tired ive become
how exhausted i m mentally.
the horrible things i think
that i havent been telling anyone.
cos it fucking will be of no use.

someone kill me,
so i can leave in peace.

wanted to blog some stuff that's hovering inside my head
but decided not to.
didnt feel like trying to articulate it.
not like i try hard to everytime i blog.
nevermind, i get the idea.

so wanted to blog something,
so i got this off leona. hehh.


1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:
"Almost all the techniques of coercion i have studied take advantage..."
(COERCION - why we listen to what they say by douglas rushkoff)

2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
empty air. i'm in library.

3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Dangerous Liaisons - the one starring Glenn Close. on video though.
the last one on tv was..monday night (that's how pathetic i am),
America's Next Top Model.

4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what time it is.
1344hrs

5: Now look at the clock, what time is it?
1348.

6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
people typing away on the keyboards, handphones vibrating on the tables,...

7: When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
outside? waddya mean outside? outta my dorm? outta the school compound? urghhh.
i have no life.
last left my home on monday morning, for school. gross.

8: Before you came to this website, what did you look at?
http://wws.nus.edu.sg/motd2/student.html. the startup page. L, ur page was the first i typed when i logged on!

9: What are you wearing?
my long-sleeved red mango top, yes fir, low cut.
warehouse shorts, and $3 flip flops.

10: Did you dream last night?
i was playing mahjong happily with kim n char.. oh, that wasn't a dream :).

11: When did you last laugh?
a few minutes ago, when i watched the trailer for Rain Man.

12: What are on the walls of the room you are in?
venetian blinds, posters asking singaporeans to be polite n teaching courtesy, paintings, books on the attached walls, etc..

13: Seen anything weird lately?
nopeee.

14: What do you think of this quiz?
i don't think much.

15: What is the last film you saw?
Dangerous Liaisons.

16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?
camera.

17: Tell me something about you that I don't know?
im super cheena-biang. ok u know that already.
i keep a diary.

18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
i'd change the narrow-mindedness away. that's one big thing i can't stand.

19: Do you like to dance?
nopee.

20: George Bush
uh, Bill Clinton.

21a: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Ning Xuan!!!

21b: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
haven't thought of anything.

important notice to all ladies!

Hi ladies,
KPG, short for Kampong Glam,
is starting Regatta Trainings from

16 October 2005
and every Sunday 1600-1800hrs
Kallang Basin

this is highly dependent on attendance,
so ladies, do confirm both
interest and commitment
for the training sessions asap.

do bring along interested girl friends!

leave a tag on my board on the right -->
or sms me if u have my number.
otherwise,
you can drop me a mail at
ohasswhy@hotmail.com

this is a reminder to myself:
i wanna talk abt nothing and dying.
oh, u can look out for this space
if u're interested in the above topics.

the excuses you make for yourself.

what does it mean to 'make a disclaimer'?
no honey, i know what it means.
but what does it really, really mean?
does it mean u don't get faulted for whatever u say afterwards?
does it actually give u that feel of power -
that you are all-knowing, and superiror?

i, for one, make alot of disclaimers.
but it's only recently that it's come to my attention
the real intention of some people who make disclaimers-
me included.
also, the misinterpretation of disclaimers
which influences how the person who makes the disclaimers is viewed.

a says, "i am insensitive, u gotta tell me how u feel."
b replies, "so... what? you just made an excuse for not understanding how i feel?"

no! it doesn't say that.
many times, while u make disclaimers,
people miss the point totally.
i can't seem to articulate my argument properly now though.
urgghhh. frustrating.

"i know that blah blah blah, but..."
"uh huh? but blah blah blah still holds, and..."
"i said i knew that. so yea. doesn't count."

huh? did u get that?
making disclaimers seemed to have empowered one.
that by making disclaimers,
your arguments are more wholesome,
that you have acknowledged the presence and maybe even validity of others,
just that you hold true to ur argument.
but it's not substantial enough to state, i repeat state,
that your argument is the most valid one
just because you've acknowledged others, ya' know.

im incoherent now.
super unable to structure my post in an intelligible manner.
too bad u've read til here.
treat me to coffee for a discussion if u'd like.
*sleepy.

friends

i was talking to a friend yesterday
and another today about friends.

"my friends know they are substitutes for my gf"
"dont you have friends who get all busy with their partners?"

well, no. i don't.
ok wait. i think it just hit me.
yes, i do!
but that's only one, and i aint really close to her.

to me, friends are important people.
people whom u learn with,
people whom u learn from.
people who lend u shoulders to cry on,
people to whom u're willing to lend ur shoulder.
people who do the littlest but most meaningful things ever,
and people for whom u wanna do things.

so no, i can't understand
why some people treat their frens
the way they do.
im not exactly the nicest fren around,
but im not ready to cancel on my fren anytime for a partner-
unless something crops up.

but there must be something terribly wrong with me,
cos at least two groups of friends have left me.

the first impact hit me in the face,
when i visited friendster a few years ago,
and saw holiday trips of this group of people,
whom i thought would be the closest to my heart, ever.
they are still close,
but distant from me.
they have stopped trying to call me
away from my busy schedule.
i revisited friendster just now,
and the hurt remains.
another holiday trip.
i guess i didn't do enough.

the second group of friends..
i don't know.
i think i can't say they left me,
cos i don't really think they were ever with me.
with the exception of a few of them.
this group of friends,
knew them in my early teenage years,
but they never shared much of the big part of my life.
they shut themselves off from the reality of me,
and chose to see what they wanted to.
it's the 21st birthdays year this year.
no, they never failed to ask me to chip in
for each and every one of their birthdays.
no, i don't expect presents from them,
but none,
i repeat none,
of them bothered to msn/sms me.
it's more than a month past.
no "sorry i forgot, but i still care",
no "hey how're u doing?",
no "let's meet up".
i guess..they don't matter much.
but u know..
it makes me wonder about the superficiality of friendships.

i was telling a friend,
that maybe one day i remain me,
i'll never have a group of friends that will stay.

you know,
it still hurts that you left me.

oooh. i feel my biceps.

so it was taitai day with fir yesterday =].
early morning library (mugger-toads!)
then gym at a nice pace,
lunch, shoppin'.
shioooookkk.

except i had to rush back for some stuff,
which turned out to be really fun!
i should really learn how not to scream so much.
skipped some stuff,
and tried to back out of it,
but the soft-heart of jo's tugging and maybe i'll go afterall.

revisiting of a certain place last night
reminded me of tonnes of stuff -
how i used to dangle my legs over the river,
how i used to comfort people,
how i threw up for the first time in my life aft kns gave me lime juice,
how someone borrowed money to buy flowers for another girl,
then how i sat with someone at coffee bean,
hearing stuff.. that i didn't really need to hear.
the voices that called out to me upon my arrival,
the familiar faces i used to see..
all fading into the dust.
we've grown up,
and things have changed.

this morning i woke up,
with a familiar pain in my upper arms.
and that brought a smile to my face.