totally. out. of. my. mind.

i. am. totally. insane. totally.

seriously. what am i doing to myself?
apart from the apparent suicide, i really can't think of anything else to describe what i'm doing.

it's like a drug. i manage to quit it for some time, and then i see it on a table one day and i'm hooked all over again.
it makes me happy for a short while.
after which i go into withdrawal.
i know i should say no, and it's always just at the tip of my tongue.
but i really didn't want to say no.
like. almost as if i didnt want to forget how the drug tastes.

i need a life.