i live for adrenalin.

i was just thinkin'. :)

that maybe love is like sex.
sweet..
exciting..
makes you anticipate.
and you want so much to have it.
and it comes..
and it's good.
but it's draining.
and you're tired.
and then it's over.
and you need a break.
but you still pine for it after awhile.
'cos the feelin's good.

::yesterday::

im living the sweetest dreams.

another day in heaven. it's real. =) the simple joy and bliss that i am submerged in everyday. sometimes i wonder how i manage to live so many perfect one-days. and im grateful for all who has a part in making my perfect life so wonderful for me. and today it was xiao ke, xiao shi, ben, na, aud, wanfen, ali, po. and all the waitresses and taxi drivers and everyone.

the feeling of contentment is strange. its like you're full..and you dont need anymore. but more just come, and amazingly you're able to take it all in. i dont need more, but more's fine. i'm past that "if more means difference, i'm rejecting it" stage. =)=)

chilled out at mcCafe and the bridgers, please know youre missed. not really lepak session, but near enough. a conversation revealed that im not exactly the short n sweet person i thought i was. no, im still physically it, but not writing- and expression-wise. so many things affirmed my then belief..when people read my essays, when bro james said i could say all that's descriptive of lzr in one testimonial. but im not really that eh. how i take sentences n sentences and pictures n pictures to illustate wad im thinking. it's nothing to be ashamed of, of cos. it's just that i forgot everything's relative. in a world of intricate designs i am minimalist. but i could look a sculptor in a plasticine class.

and isnt it strange how we learn? how i, the IT idiot, have come to be able to tweak my blogskins, for example. starting out with the template, copying someone else's on blogskins.com, then editing, and finally creating my own language, differing from others' even in the simplest commands. is this a standard procedure?

::today::

woke up an hour after my alarm rang. but just three trips to and fro my mum's room and mine got me the clothes i wore to work. which was..a disgusting faded black polo tee. and the pro-camfis capris. forgot my cap so the hair was pokin in all directions. but anw i rushed to work and enjoyed myself tonnes. which made me wonder again abt my career path.

an sms came in last night from a fren who has trust enough in me to require my help for a show. and i agreed almost immediately. i hope the schedule and all fits. and im thinkin again. that maybe i would want to live the struggling artiste life. xiao ke and xiao shi were telling me what theyve been through and what others are going thru in their country. and i feel..it aint that bad after all. it's just relative. i dont know. i really miss that kinda life. the rushing for days on end not remembering why you're slogging but missing it for months afterwards.

oh. and i love life now. its really, really satisfying when you do just what you want to, and people recognise your efforts. and they feel you're capable and they want you to work on the next show. =) and they grumble to you how the rest are inefficient and incompetent. and you feel you've been through it before and those people dont know what the things they're not doing mean to you. because you just love what you're doing.

i love life.

and i love that tension in life.
the pushin of boundaries
the borderin on crossing
the anticipation
the triggers
the exciting
the wanting
to know.

the disappointment
the satisfaction
the want to impress
the thirst to progress
the pining
the thinking
of you.

quote of the day from the louser loved:
"since uve shown ur worst, theres only the better left."