issues again.

ive been unable to sleep on buses.
ok maybe one outta five times i fail to sleep.
so ive been thinkin abt stuff,
cos i havent been zapping readings to do.
some issues have been floating around,
and floats further away when i try to catch 'em.

this particular issue just sprung up in my head-
feeling unequal.

feeling pity for someone makes that someone unequal.
n kinda elevates u, pointlessly.
when u arent really superior.
and i dun really like to be pitied-
it makes me unequal.
thus when i'm aware,
i don't know what to feel.
there's really nothing great enough abt me
to start feeling pity for someone else.

there was another thing that makes someone else unequal
but a phone call came in and it floated away.

i've been receiving too many calls.
i wont be surprisesd if i pass out one day
and be diagnosed with brain cancer.
and yes darling,
i do have a brain.

i've been finding certain stuff around me amusing.
but i really m in no position to laugh.
so i just snicker. haha.
here's one -
it's amusing how this someone
tries to make her accent sound normal
(as if she just speaks like that)
when she really can speak it normally.
and tries to speak mandarin
with a funny angmoh accent,
when she can speak it normally.
but the more amusing thing is,
this other friend commented to me,
"i think she speaks mandarin really well,
so much better than her english."
my lungs almost exploded,
not being able to release my laughter on the spot.
what that first friend had tried to achieve,
has made her good in neither languages,
and made it worse,
that her intentionally good language
is worse than the one she tries to speak badly.
and how do i know she's feigning it?
cos i couldnt catch that fake accent once,
and 'huh'-ed her three times
and she just spoke normally.
n that whole day to me,
she didnt have that strained expression on her face
when she tries to speak with that accent.

clubbed on wed,
phuture n zouk.
mambo was funn.
and here comes another realization:
i dont have to be high to be enjoy myself.
and that was something i never realised..
cos i never tried.

isnt life like that?
sometimes u dont try something
and u just assume that something isnt good
thats why u're not trying it.
ive realised long ago
that we should try everything we can in life.
so i've gone about trying everything that i dont like
or didn't think i'd like,
and ended up liking them.
i never expected this though.
but at least i tried.
and im finding it good.
don't be too caught up in yourself darling,
that u miss out everything else in life.