wednesday

gave tuition in the morning,
got the usual breakfast --
the oily stuff.
wad's on the menu today?
fried beehoon + mee.
well its free anyway.
so no grumbles shiyun.

met up with the st nicks peeps.
once a year thing.
christmas presents exchanging,
got my neutrogena facial wash n toner,
and this fairness mask. hahah
like it'll work, but oh well.
seems like we havent changed.
appearance yes,
but character - no.
it feels homey actually.
grounding in a way.
ive been wastin my life away
n this was grounding.
planned to head to ecp
for a day of bike-riding,
but we ended up with green rosti
n unripe mangoes
and ended up at j8 instead.
which was ok,
cos i found this cool top
that im so gonna buy tmr.
but well, if it's still there, that is.

n the bad night started from there.
couldnt meet at city hall.
but hottest babe fetched from orchard,
which was good.
walked from boat quay to ms -
which was pretty bad.
kept kim waitin for damn long.
i should really memorise some map.
then. this whole age limit thing came up
and i felt so terrible
cos im like so responsible for it.
mood went downhill from there-
thot of stupid things,
it was just a crybaby night.

hit cm for the first freakin time,
n the bartenders were sleazy.
merlioned like mad today,
it felt so gross.
no beer please.
i cant take beer. yucks.
felt stupid towards the end.
totally stupid n rejected.
n im suddenly aware of my welcome note
that reads
"any amt of self-enrichment
cant make up for the lack of self-acceptance."
i cant accept myself for who i am,
so i probably wont hope to find someone
who is able to acept me for who i m.
so yea. heck.

i really need to keep my confidence in check.
it's dropping like noone's business.
and i should never, never ever,
build my confidence on others' opinions.
yes dy i remember that.
but it's just so hard to do.

once again,
im at the lowest.
it's been a long time.
i need the restart button.
i wish there was one.