so many times i think
"if i were to die and s/he were to discover
how i really truly felt, ..."
but i never considered the possibility of
dying before these people
in all those moments.

love is not something you keep deep within you.
happiness is not something you decide others will feel.
you can't decide how people will react
with a certain choice of ur action or hiding of emotions,
because everyone has the right to feel
not to be decided for n denied that right.
no, not everyone is brave enough to face it.
for one, i'm not.
to face that i can't decide someone else's happiness.
that when i say,
i know (and oh how i really really know)
that it'll be better for him/her if i don't do this,
i really won't know.
we assume we know.

if i were to choose between remembering something that breaks me
and deleting all of it from my memory,
i really don't know what i'd choose.
when i watched it happen on Eternal Sunshine,
all those revisiting of memories,
i really really thought i'd never bear to part with them.
but when the hurt of those same memories
(because they now hold a different meaning)
pierce through my soul
and crumble my will to live on,
do i really want to keep them?

but one day, i know,
the tears will turn into bittersweet smiles.