Bias

Bias

it happened in class,
the recalling of an incident that happened in P4.
the teacher so obviously had double standards
and i just felt like stabbing him in the stomach.
why isn't everyone treated the same?
it's not even about deserving the treatment or not.
we haven't even come to that stage.

i showed her the little scar on my left wrist.
so small noone would even notice
unless i point it out.
so small even i would forget
if not for the awful memory.

the flesh refused to open up
despite the many tries.
the foldable metal scissors we used last time.
if anyone wans to try, never use that.
i swear i didn't hold back any force,
as far as i remember.
i was serious about it.
i was too young to care i didn't live for myself,
and i couldn't live for myself.
i mustered all the force i had in me
in that ten-year-old body
to clamp down on that small bit of flesh.
it wouldn't open up.

it was arts class,
and our form teacher told us the day before
to bring our crayons for the coloring.
i knew i wouldnt be able to finish sketching
so i didn't bring it intentionally.
it so happened she decided to check if we brought.
i was explaining it to her,
when she looked at me in the worst manner possible
n said i was just lazy
and lying through my teeth.
i said my sincere apology n sat back down.
the next girl was one of the best artists in class.
her mum made a clay doll for her n submitted it
and the teacher was so proud of her.
she said the same thing i did
and the form teacher said
"oh, how smart of you.
class, do you see that?
she knows wad she can do within a period!"
i was horrified.
my first exposure to the unequals in life--
in only i knew wad more was coming my way later in life.
i couldn't take the humiliation
and the unfair treatment.
noone seemed to notice it though.
noone cared.

i decided to cut my wrist.

chapters 3,4,5 are up if anyone is following.